attention: busy ppl nothin here.. just random rantz

reason: noticed tat i hav not wrote even one journal entry after new year n xmas...how long bac was tat...O__O
hmm..mayb not tat loong bac...still...felt like writing...nothin is particular ,hence the name "random rantz"
o wel..how important is a cup of coffee in the morning?
seriously ..if u r used to it just take tat cup of coffee already.i tot i would check if i had any withdrawal symptoms if i stop takin coffee for one day..n guess what..tat is it one cup of coffee ,i intentionally cut bac ...n my head feels heavy...still heavy...its like i never woke up..but this tiny experiment was not independent as in i slept late ,was up readin a novel.."13 reasons y" nice book ..!any book lovers out there? so i read the book..but i guess it is the lack of caffeine in the blood stream tat is doin this heavy headedness of today... its a funny state...u don't feel sleepy..u don't feel awake..u don't hav a headache..but ur head is not free of it either...n the social sensors r down too..? what am i talkin ? y ? am not thinking of cause n effect ..am just blabberin random things ...
n what would u do if u feel out of a group? i mean ppl identify u as part of the group..but u never really felt tat way..!what would you do? i mean ,seriously?
pertend for the sake of it..or keep away?
i mean its like u can't keep away without consequences...if u keep away u suffer silence from those inside the group..if u go u make urself suffer...its funny...ya am not tat social..never felt all that social..hav suffered many moments of akward silence..of uncomfy feeling of being around ppl...n yet am missed..its funny..for some reason..when ppl do open up to me...they tel me that they missed me last time when i didn't show up..
ya guess we r all selfish in our own pretty little ways...as in..they miss me when i don't show up,but i don't go anyway coz i get tat uncomfy feel just being around em...
ya intentionally not goin to a social gathering or a get together or whatever...ya i make up excuses...ya i know ...mayb u r not entirely lyin when u guys claimed to miss me...but its also true ...let me ask u ..one thing...what is the point? i feel out of place... n ya this is abt me...ya coz i am the only one around here who controls my life...n i don't feel like showing up..so i won't...
ya this time around...i started with an excuse ...n then i said..am not interested...i finally said it..tat am not interested...tat is the truth..not coz i hav got something against any of u..its coz i feel out of place in a crowd...i never wanted in..its funny ...mayb i wil pretend to b one of u..mayb i am really gud at it too...but that is just not me...the eery uncomfy feeling...hav any one u felt it ? it is just me? i know..its not..! but ..u know...! i had to blurt it out ...just for fun..this time ..i really enjoyed not inventing excuses..coz pertending always tiries me out...inventing excuses...n sweet sugar coated lies ...always is so tiring.. i hav made them up for the benefit of others...but many a times u haven't made em up for my benefit..its funny..but the thing is i just don't want it anymore...ill treatment..i found out tat i don't care enf anymore...a few ppl is all u want...like one or two..tat is it...n u feel happy content..n ur own empty feelings...no one can help u with it ..but urself...mayb someone comes along..but tat is a rare case...where am i goin with this?
nowhere...
told ya in the beginning didn't i? random rants
so there is no end no beginning...nothing
c ya..